Who Throws Their Shoe, Honestly?

Have you ever been in a situation where some jerk(s) were yelling at you and there was nothing you could do about it? My wife ran into this when she was in line in the drive-thru. She had placed her order and the car behind her, full of teenage know-it-alls, started honking and yelling at her to move up more so they could get their order in. What the idiots failed to realize is that she couldn't pull up any further unless she wanted to rear end the next patron. After she told me this story, I had a great original idea.

When we are done with shoes in our family, we usually just throw them out. I'm sure we could find somewhere to recycle them, but that sounds like a lot of work. My bright idea is to not throw these shoes out, but keep them handy in the car or at your desk at work. When people start heckling you to move up in the drive-thru line, get something done for them right away or come to your work area and crop dust you (that means someone comes and just drops a fart on you without warning and promptly leaves), you would then have the means to physically let them know to shut their pie hole (or other hole in other cases).

Can you imagine driving down the highway and you're in the "fast" lane. There are no other options other than following behind the guy that his cruise control set to 67 when the speed limit is 65. He thinks he's speeding, but anyone with half a brain knows he's just stupid. So you're following this guy and some assclown comes up behind you in a rice burner with a sweet spoiler and some muffler that makes his car sound tricked out. This is another blog topic all together to describe how many jackasses drive around in these ghetto sleds. Anyway, imagine they start honking at you and giving you the finger.

How great would it be in this situation to just be able to open up a window and toss a tennis shoe at him? Imagine their reaction to your action? I think it would go something like this:
Him: (Honk, Honk, Honk!!) Why is this moron going so slow!?
You: (Roll down window and throw shoe perfectly into his windshield)
Him: Was that a shoe?! Did they just throw a shoe!? (Giving the finger to you)
You: (Throw different shoe at him directly into his windshield)
Him: OK, this person is obviously crazy, I'm not messing with them anymore.

Now this would just be so much fun at work too. The guy/boss that needs something done right away that they themselves should do or someone that isn't doing anything should be given. How great would that be to just throw your handy dandy shoe at them! Since construction workers work with guys that are pretty rough, a steel toe boot is a justified tool.

After the shoe is thrown, in all cases the situation should be solved and the people that had the shoe thrown at them should realize they were acting out of order or acting retarded, shut up and/or leave you alone from then on. Because who throws their shoe, honestly?

American Idol Season 5 thousand

So in honor of one of the worst shows ever, I have decided to come out and let everyone know that I think I sound like Eddie Vedder when I sing. Of course that's when I'm by myself with the music turned up so that I can't hear myself. If you ask my sister, I sound more like a combination of David Duchovny and Gonzo from the Muppets.

You can't tell me you don't sing by yourself in the car when one of your favorite songs comes on and you actually know the words. Is there a particular song that you think you can sing well and actually sound like the person singing it. Wait, the person getting paid millions to sing it? I can't speak for anyone but myself, since I'm the only person that has been in the car when I'm alone.

The Simon dude that rips everyone a new one in telling them how terrible they are is really just honest. I think a lot of these air heads have not heard themselves sing or seen themselves sing. First off, I know I'm terrible. Why do a lot of these people take it all offensive when they are told they're awful? Because they can't take the truth, they've never heard the truth and they're obviously tone deaf.

Why do people contort their faces in such a weird way when trying to hit some notes? Because they don't know that you really don't have to look all tarded when you can actually sing.

For everyone reading this that is thinking of trying out for American Idol, which is no one since only my mom reads my posts, call yourself and leave yourself a voice mail singing.

Go ahead, I'll wait, I actually have time right now.

Ok, now listen to it.

Yeah, pretty bad isn't it?

You thought it was good!? Ok, call me and let me listen to it. I'll call you back with an honest opinion. On second thought, since I shouldn't give my phone number out, make an mp3 or whatever and post it. Put the link in the comments below. That way we can all make fun of it.