Nutrition Tool

Training with my wife for a half marathon introduced me to the world of runners. They are a fruity bunch were the men wear women’s length shorts proudly. Thankfully, I have more respect for my fellow man and stick to soccer type shorts.

Another odd aspect of this world is the nutrition. There are GU gels, recovery drinks and anti nipple chaffing creams. Alright, so I made up the last one although SpongeBob band-aids work great. The GU gels have been known to leave stool samples looking more like oil slicks. I’m not making this up, talk to runners and they’ll tell you the same thing if they have used these things.

The recovery drink I got a sample of when we picked up our “raceday” packet was FORZE. This “Nutrition Tool” is “Designed to activate the body’s natural appetite control signal” to help reduce hunger. I guess it’s actually to lose weight but since it was free I had to at least try it.

Man, whoever made this liquid crap is the real tool. Maybe I’m the tool for believing it might taste like something a human might want to consume. It came in two flavors, Vanilla and Chocolate. I thought the Chocolate was the worst thing I had ever tasted until I tried the Vanilla variety. Why would anyone buy this stuff unless it was their first time or they were on crack?

To give you an explanation of the way this stuff tastes and looks I’ll go into more detail.

First off, it comes in what looks like a milk carton. It’s does not require refrigeration which should be the first warning sign.

Second, the smell is like soy milk. I’m sorry if you like soy milk, if you do you’re dumb.

Third, it has a milky type of fluidity. As it runs over your taste buds it makes you want to gag. The claim is correct that it helps with appetite control in the fact that you never want to eat again after trying this soup made by the devil himself.

I think I can help the marketing departments of all this nutrition junk, they should just let everyone know that the taste is required, the processing may be irregular but the benefits are minimal! Then they would finally go out of business and we could say goodbye to these fruitcakes and go back to our diets of bacon only!