Training with my wife for a half marathon introduced me to the world of runners. They are a fruity bunch were the men wear women’s length shorts proudly. Thankfully, I have more respect for my fellow man and stick to soccer type shorts.
Another odd aspect of this world is the nutrition. There are GU gels, recovery drinks and anti nipple chaffing creams. Alright, so I made up the last one although SpongeBob band-aids work great. The GU gels have been known to leave stool samples looking more like oil slicks. I’m not making this up, talk to runners and they’ll tell you the same thing if they have used these things.
The recovery drink I got a sample of when we picked up our “raceday” packet was FORZE. This “Nutrition Tool” is “Designed to activate the body’s natural appetite control signal” to help reduce hunger. I guess it’s actually to lose weight but since it was free I had to at least try it.
Man, whoever made this liquid crap is the real tool. Maybe I’m the tool for believing it might taste like something a human might want to consume. It came in two flavors, Vanilla and Chocolate. I thought the Chocolate was the worst thing I had ever tasted until I tried the Vanilla variety. Why would anyone buy this stuff unless it was their first time or they were on crack?
To give you an explanation of the way this stuff tastes and looks I’ll go into more detail.
First off, it comes in what looks like a milk carton. It’s does not require refrigeration which should be the first warning sign.
Second, the smell is like soy milk. I’m sorry if you like soy milk, if you do you’re dumb.
Third, it has a milky type of fluidity. As it runs over your taste buds it makes you want to gag. The claim is correct that it helps with appetite control in the fact that you never want to eat again after trying this soup made by the devil himself.
I think I can help the marketing departments of all this nutrition junk, they should just let everyone know that the taste is required, the processing may be irregular but the benefits are minimal! Then they would finally go out of business and we could say goodbye to these fruitcakes and go back to our diets of bacon only!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Ah, the wonder of highlights
After taking a summer off of commentating on sports, I found it appropriate to make another comment on baseball.
Since it’s the only game being played during the summer, it’s terrible and I didn’t have SportsCenter (except at the gym) I didn’t have anything to comment on really.
All summer long I kept seeing the same stupid ass highlights of baseball though. Guys making diving catches (with gloves!), guys hitting the baseball and pitchers striking guys out I decided that Baseball is the worst. Have you seen it lately?
The best highlights of this stupid sport were when a cat got on to the field, the mascots pushed each other over during the 7th inning stretch or morons on the bench were wearing their hats inside out as “rally caps.” I’m not even making these up.
I have other posts explaining my opinions on why this sport is full of super fart heads, but with these so called highlights making the “Top 10 Plays” of the day just confirms my opinion of this sport as fact.
To top it all off, these guys make millions of dollars and they aren’t even in shape!? Are these athletes? Seriously, they are? Man, I would classify this “sport” as on the same playing field as cheer-leading.
Since it’s the only game being played during the summer, it’s terrible and I didn’t have SportsCenter (except at the gym) I didn’t have anything to comment on really.
All summer long I kept seeing the same stupid ass highlights of baseball though. Guys making diving catches (with gloves!), guys hitting the baseball and pitchers striking guys out I decided that Baseball is the worst. Have you seen it lately?
The best highlights of this stupid sport were when a cat got on to the field, the mascots pushed each other over during the 7th inning stretch or morons on the bench were wearing their hats inside out as “rally caps.” I’m not even making these up.
I have other posts explaining my opinions on why this sport is full of super fart heads, but with these so called highlights making the “Top 10 Plays” of the day just confirms my opinion of this sport as fact.
To top it all off, these guys make millions of dollars and they aren’t even in shape!? Are these athletes? Seriously, they are? Man, I would classify this “sport” as on the same playing field as cheer-leading.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Oh Snap, I just made a tackle!
With football season in full swing I think it’s time to address a troubling trend. The excessive celebrations of regular and mediocre plays.
I think it all started with the touchdown celebrations, followed by the advent of SportCenter where athletes wanted to be on the evening news for their outstanding plays where only the best can make the 30 second recap of the game. Another major contributor is steroids. If you think football players are not on steroids, you’re just dumb, which explains why you’re reading my posts.
Now players they have to go nuts when they make a tackle run an extra 30 yards after being pushed out of bounds on a kick off play because they brought it out past the 50. These morons feel that if they do some dance, flex, hit themselves on the helmet hard or make the first down sign after gaining 8 yards they are then classified as awesome.
Note to these players, you are not more awesome for doing stupid acts like this you are classified as retarded. The best players in history didn’t do much of a celebration because they had been there before and knew they were going to do it again, see Barry Sanders TD celebrations or Brett Hull after scoring a goal.
I’m all for players getting excited, but to make a spectacle of something they get paid to do is just off the deep end. Pretty soon the whole offense is going to perform a choreographed sequence, Riverdance style, in the end zone. The guy who scores the touchdown will get to be the “lead” guy.
Just go back to huddle or throw the ball the ref and go back to your respective sideline. Your 1.2 seconds of fame is over and when analysts talk about the greatest players to play the game, your name is only going to be mentioned in the category of “Kanye West Wanna Be’s.” (See recent deutsch bag move by this ass-dart!)
I think it all started with the touchdown celebrations, followed by the advent of SportCenter where athletes wanted to be on the evening news for their outstanding plays where only the best can make the 30 second recap of the game. Another major contributor is steroids. If you think football players are not on steroids, you’re just dumb, which explains why you’re reading my posts.
Now players they have to go nuts when they make a tackle run an extra 30 yards after being pushed out of bounds on a kick off play because they brought it out past the 50. These morons feel that if they do some dance, flex, hit themselves on the helmet hard or make the first down sign after gaining 8 yards they are then classified as awesome.
Note to these players, you are not more awesome for doing stupid acts like this you are classified as retarded. The best players in history didn’t do much of a celebration because they had been there before and knew they were going to do it again, see Barry Sanders TD celebrations or Brett Hull after scoring a goal.
I’m all for players getting excited, but to make a spectacle of something they get paid to do is just off the deep end. Pretty soon the whole offense is going to perform a choreographed sequence, Riverdance style, in the end zone. The guy who scores the touchdown will get to be the “lead” guy.
Just go back to huddle or throw the ball the ref and go back to your respective sideline. Your 1.2 seconds of fame is over and when analysts talk about the greatest players to play the game, your name is only going to be mentioned in the category of “Kanye West Wanna Be’s.” (See recent deutsch bag move by this ass-dart!)
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Government Efficiency
So our family got to visit the epitome of government efficiency this past weekend: the DMV.
Before going to the wonderful DMV, we drove by a new location of Chipolte, a great burrito place, that was new to our area. We have been craving it a ton since leaving Colorado. At least after being frustrated by the morons at the DMV, we’ll at least be able to eat here after our long wait we told ourselves.
Before leaving I checked the web site on what documentation we would need to get our new state residence license. It said in the first sentence of “Proof of Residence” that the definition of this is a government issued, non-expired ID with your full name printed on it. Check, Colorado license covers that. Primary identification is also covered by the CO license, bonus! Secondary identification is the marriage license, great, wife and I both only need to take our CO license and marriage license.
We get to this wonderful establishment after confirming location of said Chipolte and proceed to the “Information lady.” She informs us that we need a passport, birth certificate or something else. At this point of the conversation I blocked out what she was saying because I had too much steam coming out my ears. I wish I would have told her that I don’t even need this kind of identification to be President of the United States! Instead I went with the “I needed more of a background check to get my government ID (as I showed her it) than she did to get this government issued ID.” To which she just started saying “I don’t have to take this from you!” The security guy tried to get me to leave at this point.
Having been taken too many times and having driven 25 minutes to this crap hole with 2 kids under the age of 4, we asked to speak to the manager as I still thought we had the proper identification just to get a new stupid license. The manager did a good job explaining to us that buried in the verbiage of “Proof of Residence” was the fact that to get a new state ID, we couldn’t just use CO driver’s license.
So we left and my blood pressure was still quite elevated. As we drove back towards Chipolte, I talk about what I should have said. The fact that I want to get “DMVSX” on my new license plate and how it’s funny that the one government building that needs security is the DMV, because it’s not uncommon for people to get so jacked up there. I wish I could invent a time machine to go back in time and tell people a much better line than what I did tell them. Then again, rather than doing that altogether, I suppose I could have just gone back in time and taken the correct identification. But I digress…
So pulling up to Chipolte we see the words come into focus on the windows, “GRAND OPENING, JULY 31st!!” The main problem here was that the date this took place was July 24th! If I were by myself in the car at this point I think I would have driven the car straight through the doors. So our Friday afternoon, in which I took the day off “sick”, was a huge waste. The kids were hungry, the wife was hungry and I did not want to hear the words “calm down.”
I learned my lesson and we went back the next day with kids running around screaming and got our paper licenses, although for the pictures we weren’t allowed to smile? Is that what this country has come to? I don’t care if I have to pay $1000/month in health care to keep it privatized, if the government runs my health care I think we can all expect it to be similar to the DMV, crappy.
Before going to the wonderful DMV, we drove by a new location of Chipolte, a great burrito place, that was new to our area. We have been craving it a ton since leaving Colorado. At least after being frustrated by the morons at the DMV, we’ll at least be able to eat here after our long wait we told ourselves.
Before leaving I checked the web site on what documentation we would need to get our new state residence license. It said in the first sentence of “Proof of Residence” that the definition of this is a government issued, non-expired ID with your full name printed on it. Check, Colorado license covers that. Primary identification is also covered by the CO license, bonus! Secondary identification is the marriage license, great, wife and I both only need to take our CO license and marriage license.
We get to this wonderful establishment after confirming location of said Chipolte and proceed to the “Information lady.” She informs us that we need a passport, birth certificate or something else. At this point of the conversation I blocked out what she was saying because I had too much steam coming out my ears. I wish I would have told her that I don’t even need this kind of identification to be President of the United States! Instead I went with the “I needed more of a background check to get my government ID (as I showed her it) than she did to get this government issued ID.” To which she just started saying “I don’t have to take this from you!” The security guy tried to get me to leave at this point.
Having been taken too many times and having driven 25 minutes to this crap hole with 2 kids under the age of 4, we asked to speak to the manager as I still thought we had the proper identification just to get a new stupid license. The manager did a good job explaining to us that buried in the verbiage of “Proof of Residence” was the fact that to get a new state ID, we couldn’t just use CO driver’s license.
So we left and my blood pressure was still quite elevated. As we drove back towards Chipolte, I talk about what I should have said. The fact that I want to get “DMVSX” on my new license plate and how it’s funny that the one government building that needs security is the DMV, because it’s not uncommon for people to get so jacked up there. I wish I could invent a time machine to go back in time and tell people a much better line than what I did tell them. Then again, rather than doing that altogether, I suppose I could have just gone back in time and taken the correct identification. But I digress…
So pulling up to Chipolte we see the words come into focus on the windows, “GRAND OPENING, JULY 31st!!” The main problem here was that the date this took place was July 24th! If I were by myself in the car at this point I think I would have driven the car straight through the doors. So our Friday afternoon, in which I took the day off “sick”, was a huge waste. The kids were hungry, the wife was hungry and I did not want to hear the words “calm down.”
I learned my lesson and we went back the next day with kids running around screaming and got our paper licenses, although for the pictures we weren’t allowed to smile? Is that what this country has come to? I don’t care if I have to pay $1000/month in health care to keep it privatized, if the government runs my health care I think we can all expect it to be similar to the DMV, crappy.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Red Wings United
This is a quote from a Detroit Free Press article, and I think it shows a lot about the Red Wings style of play. Having played soccer for quite awhile and hockey as well, but not as well, I can see a lot of soccer in the way the Wings play.
And when they aren't on the ice, they have heated soccer battles.
"The rivalry between Sweden and Finland is still going on, with two-touch," Zetterberg said. "And every time, Sweden beats Finland. Basically, the Finns want to become Swedes -- that's what the rivalry is all about."
Most reporters say they play a “puck possession” style of play, that’s just natural soccer that you see. The only difference being the offside is determined by a line rather than the second to last defender or when the ball is played or the ball. To put it simply, the Wings take advantage of the strategy of soccer and the offside rule of hockey.
Watch when the Wings get possession of the puck in their own end, they have lanes and positions that they are at and everyone knows right where each other will be and should be. They don’t even have to look to pass and often pass as soon as they get it, holding on to the puck only when necessary and when they have space or time or also to create space or time for teammates.
Everyone on the team moves very well without the puck, finding space or going to passing lanes for teammates. Another sure tale sign of soccer influence. You can see triangles form for passing, influence of soccer.
The last thing is that everyone plays defense. The first person to play defense is the guy that loses the puck. Just like soccer, it’s easier to run/skate 3 steps/strides rather than going all the way back to your own defensive end.
The main thing that differentiates the Wings hockey play from soccer is the pure hitting and finishing of checks. That’s got the origins of hockey all over it, so until they start slide tackling, I’m not worried about them quitting they’re day jobs.
And when they aren't on the ice, they have heated soccer battles.
"The rivalry between Sweden and Finland is still going on, with two-touch," Zetterberg said. "And every time, Sweden beats Finland. Basically, the Finns want to become Swedes -- that's what the rivalry is all about."
Most reporters say they play a “puck possession” style of play, that’s just natural soccer that you see. The only difference being the offside is determined by a line rather than the second to last defender or when the ball is played or the ball. To put it simply, the Wings take advantage of the strategy of soccer and the offside rule of hockey.
Watch when the Wings get possession of the puck in their own end, they have lanes and positions that they are at and everyone knows right where each other will be and should be. They don’t even have to look to pass and often pass as soon as they get it, holding on to the puck only when necessary and when they have space or time or also to create space or time for teammates.
Everyone on the team moves very well without the puck, finding space or going to passing lanes for teammates. Another sure tale sign of soccer influence. You can see triangles form for passing, influence of soccer.
The last thing is that everyone plays defense. The first person to play defense is the guy that loses the puck. Just like soccer, it’s easier to run/skate 3 steps/strides rather than going all the way back to your own defensive end.
The main thing that differentiates the Wings hockey play from soccer is the pure hitting and finishing of checks. That’s got the origins of hockey all over it, so until they start slide tackling, I’m not worried about them quitting they’re day jobs.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Cops and cell phones
There are states that are thinking of and some cities have already banned the use of cell phones. You can use hands free devices, but don’t dare put that cell phone up to your ear! Well, if you’re a policeman, this rule doesn’t apply to you.
Have you ever noticed that when you see cops on the road, they are always talking on their phones! First off, don’t they have cool CB radios? Who are they talking to all the time? I’m pretty sure they call each other and just make fun of the general public playing pranks on us. Stuff like lighting up the lights and sounding the sirens after you drive by, then just whip right past you.
Who is paying the bills for their usage?! If I ever find out it’s the general public I’m going to be pissed, although not that surprised. Talk about budget cuts! I think they could single handedly get Social Security back to where it needs to be!
Whatever happened to citizen’s arrest anyway? Can we pull them over for all the bone head things they do or call them on their own crap? Of course not, instead whenever a state policeman is driving on the highway, people all of a sudden slam on the brakes and drive 5 mph below the speed limit?! I for one am usually one of the few that feels free to pass them when they are driving slower than the posted speed limit.
It doesn’t make sense, which is why it’s happening right now. People in general just don’t make sense. Have you talked to them recently? People are the worst!
Have you ever noticed that when you see cops on the road, they are always talking on their phones! First off, don’t they have cool CB radios? Who are they talking to all the time? I’m pretty sure they call each other and just make fun of the general public playing pranks on us. Stuff like lighting up the lights and sounding the sirens after you drive by, then just whip right past you.
Who is paying the bills for their usage?! If I ever find out it’s the general public I’m going to be pissed, although not that surprised. Talk about budget cuts! I think they could single handedly get Social Security back to where it needs to be!
Whatever happened to citizen’s arrest anyway? Can we pull them over for all the bone head things they do or call them on their own crap? Of course not, instead whenever a state policeman is driving on the highway, people all of a sudden slam on the brakes and drive 5 mph below the speed limit?! I for one am usually one of the few that feels free to pass them when they are driving slower than the posted speed limit.
It doesn’t make sense, which is why it’s happening right now. People in general just don’t make sense. Have you talked to them recently? People are the worst!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
A few comments on a dynasty
First, in this day in age, I think this Red Wings team can be called a dynasty. First off, because of the salary cap and free agency it's hard to keep any group of talent together for any length of time. Second, this is the third conference finals in a row. Winning it all last year and well on their way again this year, another fact I've heard is that they have been to the conference finals 8 times in the last 14 years. Lastly, the Stanely Cup playoffs is the hardest post-season to go through in all of sports, no arguments, period.
Last time the Blackhawks played the Wings in the Conference finals, the Wings still had a very young Lidstrom, Draper and Maltby. Chelios was playing for the Hawks and was considering retirement shortly after that year too I think. Anyway, the Wings have plenty of great players come up through their ranks and make huge contributions. Take Ericsson for instance, he was the final draft pick in the 9th round, 291st!!! Since football is always talked about, you can almost compare the Wings drafting to that of the New England Patriots. The Pats always seem to find gems and system players as well, but nothing compares to the Wings system.
Most of the credit goes to the Wings system, the front office of Nill and Holland is second to none. The European scouting is by far the best and I have no idea why other teams don't try and offer the Wings top guys more money since their money doesn't count towards the salary cap. Anyway, the Wings don't rush their young talent into playing in the NHL. First, for most of their European players they play them in the AHL to get used to the longer seasons and the different sized rinks. It always seems to work and Holland has a knack for patience.
When the Wings do need to get free agents, they don't do it like they used to anymore. They go out and get players that will fit with the team, like Stuart. Most teams would just try and get a big name rather than the right player. Kind of like what the Avs always seem to do and why they're in the toilet right now. Then other free agents like Hossa come along and want to take a huge pay cut just to play with the Wings for one year. Everything I've been reading is that he'll take another pay cut to remain a Wing, that much remains to be seen though.
In the end, I'm just loving watching these Wings kick so much butt and take names. The Canadiens and Leafs may have more or the same amount of Cups to their names but the last time either of them won anything was in 92-93. Neither of those teams are going to be winning it anytime soon either. The Wings are here and they're here to stay for a long time granted their system stays in place.
Go Wings Go!!
Last time the Blackhawks played the Wings in the Conference finals, the Wings still had a very young Lidstrom, Draper and Maltby. Chelios was playing for the Hawks and was considering retirement shortly after that year too I think. Anyway, the Wings have plenty of great players come up through their ranks and make huge contributions. Take Ericsson for instance, he was the final draft pick in the 9th round, 291st!!! Since football is always talked about, you can almost compare the Wings drafting to that of the New England Patriots. The Pats always seem to find gems and system players as well, but nothing compares to the Wings system.
Most of the credit goes to the Wings system, the front office of Nill and Holland is second to none. The European scouting is by far the best and I have no idea why other teams don't try and offer the Wings top guys more money since their money doesn't count towards the salary cap. Anyway, the Wings don't rush their young talent into playing in the NHL. First, for most of their European players they play them in the AHL to get used to the longer seasons and the different sized rinks. It always seems to work and Holland has a knack for patience.
When the Wings do need to get free agents, they don't do it like they used to anymore. They go out and get players that will fit with the team, like Stuart. Most teams would just try and get a big name rather than the right player. Kind of like what the Avs always seem to do and why they're in the toilet right now. Then other free agents like Hossa come along and want to take a huge pay cut just to play with the Wings for one year. Everything I've been reading is that he'll take another pay cut to remain a Wing, that much remains to be seen though.
In the end, I'm just loving watching these Wings kick so much butt and take names. The Canadiens and Leafs may have more or the same amount of Cups to their names but the last time either of them won anything was in 92-93. Neither of those teams are going to be winning it anytime soon either. The Wings are here and they're here to stay for a long time granted their system stays in place.
Go Wings Go!!
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